I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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