Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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