I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
