apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just want to make out with him forever
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
