There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
