So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
