yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just invented taco cereal.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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