I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
