Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
