he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
