Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
