i already hear my dad disowning me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
