I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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