Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize