in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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