Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
