sarcasm needs its own font
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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