I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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