haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
