my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
