i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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