He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
