whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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