i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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