well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
