I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize