Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
