I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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