Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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