You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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