So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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