i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
