If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
