I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
