I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
