You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
