I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
