My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
