How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
