i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
