Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just had sex on a roof
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
