So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
this will be a night to untag.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
