You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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