A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
