soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
