if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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