She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
