i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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