____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You need Xanax blowdarts
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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