i would punch a child for taco bell
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
