I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
