I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
