just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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