I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
