Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
