Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
