is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Randomize
