Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
