i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize