i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
