Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
