I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
