at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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