Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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