It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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