Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
