It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
