come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
